Happy Halloween Part Two

Can I confess something? Yesterday didn't feel like Halloween because it wasn't. I was dead set on today being November 1st but today is Halloween, duh. I can't believe it! Why would trick or treating be today if yesterday was Halloween? Crazy and a little stupid? Yes.

Okay so today I was a bum. I got showered and dressed into my costume for trick or treating. I love dressing up so I dressed up to answer the doors for the kids! I started out being Wilma Flinstone but the dress that came with the costume is too short for this occassion so we made a new one from a sheet but it was so frumpy I changed into a black shirt dress, hose and a witch hat instead! I loved the orange Wilma hair though!

I love holidays. I love the tradition, the decorations, gifts, food, laughter and love. Halloween isn't real big in our family but I still love it and we still had some great decorations! I just wanted to show off our cool decorations and my head shots for Halloween! Happy Halloweenie!

Enjoy the pictures...

Happy Halloween !!

The Decor...

Halloween luminaries-cute!

scary!

luminary bags and you can't really see but shepard hooks, the mason jars and tealight candles

(recycled from my sisters wedding!)

Frankenstein!

Scary cat

The Great Pumpkin Again!

Scary pumpking on fern stand (recycled from sisters wedding!)

The Costumes...

WILMA!!

Okay the wig wasn't working out but I love the orange hair.

Maybe I should pull a Rihanna?

So I went with the witch instead.

Dress Up...withTex!

Okay not really dress up but a little ribbon on the collar

he kept biting it so I had to shorten it.

"I'm so embarrassed"

Wittle Puppy Wup!

So that was Halloween. As mentioned last blog we never had trick or treaters in my old house on the country roads. This year we had a disappointing 18 but it was better than nothing. Everyone was so cute! Zombies, Vampires, Soccer Player, Skelton, Zombie Nurse, Puppy dog, Tinkerbell and Peter Pan, Nerds etc. I loved them all!

Thanks for reading!!

Happy Halloweenie!

Weenie Dog!

It's our weiner dog Petey- he doesn't need a costume because he's the devil in disguise everyday poor senile Pete dog.  Happy Halloweenie. Get it?!



Happy Halloween!

I love Halloween and today it really didn't 'feel' like Halloween but it was still a great day! I have lived in the country most of my life so the only trick or treaters we ever had were the neighbors so I'm very excited for tomorrow night! We actually live in a suburb now and not on a backroad. I think I'm going to dress up tomorrow but we'll see as for today I left the costume at home and hung out with one of my favorite people, my mom. I would say mum because it sounds so cool but she's my mom.

Today was great. Mom and I went to The Scratch Pad a fabulous stationary store in Mount Pleasant. We ordered the Rehearsal Dinner invites for my brother's wedding. The months are flying by! They're really pretty and I'm excited about all the ideas that are being tossed around for the rehearsal dinner which of course I will go into great detail about post wedding in a blog.

After we headed to Stein Mart, it's not an 'old lady' store like I once thought. I discovered my love for Stein Mart when living in Roanoke but I still prefer TJ Maxx. Then Ross Dress for Less, the mall and home. I ended up with three tops and an awesome pair of boots from Rack Room. I am loving the light reddish tan boot with black leggings. You may disagree but I love black and brown together!

We arrived back at home just in time for dinner. After much debate we were headed to Cracker Barrel but mom threw a wrench two turns in time and said "How about The Mustard Seed?" The Mustard Seed is a delicious restaurant in downtown Summerville. The presentation of the food is awesome and the prices are reasonable considering. It's a gem despite it's lack of decor- worth going to if you're in the area! I don't think I have a broad enough palate but I'm a food critic today...I had the pork tenderloin with creamy sauce, potatoes and asparagas. We ordered one slice of coconut cake to go since we were so full but their desserts are banging so it was a must.

Back at home I decide it's time to carve my pumpkin that I requested dad purchase on his way home from work Thursday because of all the post on facebook I was feeling deprived. Tonight was the night! Mom has this ceramic pumpkin in the bathroom at Halloween so I decided to copy it. How did I do? I'll let you be the judge...

The inspiration: this ceramic pumpkin

The Result:



Keeping in mind that it was all freehanded....

I love the bat cut outs!

I'm proud. I love arts and crafts because I'm a creative cat!

Some of my fondest Halloween moments were dressing up and getting crazy in college- it was a holiday that MaDee adored and we were always together for. In honor of her and this fun holiday I leave you with these...

buying our gear! 2006

Me, MaDee, Chrisi



MaDee, Me, Megan, Chrisi 2006

Make shift Village People: Cop, Construction Worker, Cowgirl, Biker

Me, MaDee

Kitty Cat and French Maid

2006 Pt 2 Roanoke

MaDee

Me, MaDee, Mary, Roanoke Friend

Witch, Wilma, Betty, Camo Girl

2007-Roanoke

MaDee's Halloween Birthday Bash

Great times! That I'll cherish forever ...

Happy Halloween!

Taylor Swift, Speak Now - A Review!

So I'm doing something different. I had a great week of celebration, remembrance and even a few days of work. I plan to blog on them but today is reserved for Taylor Swift. I don't buy cd's too often mainly just a few songs on iTunes. Before heading back to South Carolina yesterday I picked up the Taylor Swift cd on it's debut day. That never happens I probably looked like a Taylor Swift fanatic. Maybe I am or maybe I'm twelve- nope the first. After reading the reviews and the buzz on the album I couldn't resist! A revenge cd? Sweet Taylor Swift?!

Whatever you have to say about Taylor Swift I agree. I've wrote poetry about break ups and have a fairly decent singing voice but I'm not a country/pop superstar. Just saying. So anything you think of Taylor Swift I agree! That said I'm going to review my favorite songs, lyrics and thoughts in general!

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1650681/20101022/swift__taylor.jhtml -
this is the link to the dirt, I also read tabloids regularly and The Parade article. Really credible sources, I know!

It's about a 7 hour trip home and I listened to the album on repeat and I love it!
Let's get this started-

1. Mine - the first released track from this album I believe. 4/5

The Dirt: it's about a boy she never gave a chance to-Cory the flushed cheeked Glee cutie or Lucas Till- "You belong With Me" video boy.
My Opinion: I like the song. I love a song I can relate to but fortunately I didn't have a careless man as a father but I love the idea of the song. Giving an unexpected person a chance and it working out then watching the relationship progress. It's an upbeat tune with a fairly mature undertone of Swift and to actually think a relationship would work out for her. (gasp!)

2. Sparks Fly- 4/5

The Dirt: None that I've read. Just a light hearted song about meeting someone and sparks fly! He has "green eyes" - that's all I've got.

My Opinion: I like this song a lot. It sounds like her but I think it shows off her vocals some. I love the ending the best when she sings the chorus:

Drop everything now
Meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk
Take away the pain

Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around
Cause I see, sparks fly whenever you smile

3. Back to December- the second released track I believe. 4.5/5

The Dirt: Most likely written about her Twilight hottie, Taylor Lautner. The first apology.

My Opinion: One my my absolute favorites. It's about ending a relationship and really not knowing what you have until gone. That breaking up with someone you think you'll have freedom until you realize it's more suffocating because your time is filled up with regrets of ending the relationship.
Favorite Lyrics:
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't

So if the chain is on your door, I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night,
And I go back to December.
Turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December turn around and make it alright.

I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind.

I go back to December all the time.

http://www.zimbio.com/pictures/cHVL0urv1i7/Taylor+Lautner+Films+Taylor+Swift/BrMJKivQkxM/Taylor+Swift

I'd want to go Back to December too!


4. Speak Now- 2/5

The Dirt: Couldn't find any obviously the title track.

My Opinion: Just when you thought her songs are more grown up she digresses. Speak Now is a bit disappointing to be her album title track. I agree with something I read about Speak Now that we don't regret what we said as much as we do what we don't say but come on crashing a wedding? It's a bit immature.


5. Dear John- 3/5

The Dirt: A song about John Mayer.

My Opinion: If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a duck c'mon why would John Mayer want to date Taylor seriously? I've read that he slept with her a broke her heart but I'm not naive enough to believe everything I read but has she should have known the way he talks about Jennifer Aniston and Jessica Simpson? Take some accountability girlfriend. I hope the song was about a different John but I think it's an overall okay concept of regret and being left broken hearted it could be a real good song if I didn't think of John Mayer the whole time. I'm sure he'll have a rebuttal and make some money off of it too. Let's be honest though he made her a back up singer in his song 'Half of My Heart'. But we've all had a Dear John so I'm not going to hate I love Taylor Swift.

http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20091209/293.mayer.swift.lc.120909.jpg
Ew. Does anyone else think he looks like Charlie Sheen after wrecking his 100th car?
6. Mean- 2/5

The Dirt: To her critics?

My Opinion: Eh so-so. I think it's a bit juvenile again but yes we understand that you make millions and your critics make thousands. touche'

7. The Story of Us- 3.5/5

The Dirt: Another tune for Taylor Lautner- do you think you'd really marry someone with the same name?

My Opinion:I like it a bit Typical Taylor but it has a good beat and some okay lyrics.

8. Never Grow Up- 4.5/5

The Dirt: No dirt.

My Opinion: One of my favorites. Great song especially for daughters or anyone with a daughter. A reflection of childhood and how growing up can be 'hard'. Makes you miss childhood!

9. Enchanted- 5/5

The Dirt: None

My Opinion: MY FAVORITE! It's soulful and I really love her deep voice. I think if you think she can't sing then this proves you wrong (unless she sings it live- I could be wrong ) I just love this song I don't know why I guess it's about meeting someone and just being blown away- it's almost sexy for Taylor - I don't know I'm obsessed with this song. I listened to this song three hundred times yesterday!

10. Better Than Revenge- 2.5/5

The Dirt: Listen to the lyrics! Supposedly about Joe Jonas and actress Camilla Belle.

My Opinion: Catty Taylor! It's got a way different vibe- but almost seems like she's trying too hard a cross between her and Paramore almost. Very pop rock. What's better than revenge? Making millions? Agreed. The song is a little cheesy and something you'd think Miley Cyrus would sing or be the actress Taylor's speaking of. Whose Camilla?! What's the best revenge? Probably moving on.



http://www.celebritycouples.net/portals/1/ProfilePics/JoeJonasCamilleBelle.jpg

"She's not a saint and she's not what you think
She's an actress, Whoa
She's better known for the things that she does
On the mattress, Whoa
Soon she's gonna find
Stealing other people's toys on the playground
Won't make you many friends
She should keep in mind,
She should keep in mind
There is nothing I do better than revenge, Ha"-

Clearly Taylor is over it. haha.


11. Innocent 4.5/5

The Dirt: Kanye West-gate 2009 VMAS. If you don't know what I'm speaking of you need to get out from under the rock. It's a song for Kanye West about that night he ruined her speech. She performed the song at the 2010 VMAs.

My Opinion: I actually like this song. I think it has some good lyrics to it but again I think of Kanye. Who makes millions off of being a d-bag that I also like. Taylor got a ton of press- so it's a win- win for Taylor.
Putting aside Kanye I think it's a good reflection on mistakes. That we all make them and that because we're however old means that we know better but still aren't perfect. I think getting over what someone did to you, said to you in the past is apart of maturing. If I did something four years ago and you still hold a grudge about it I feel sorry for you. I'm glad it took Taylor a year to get over it. I know I am. What did that have a sassy underlying meaning? Maybe.

Favorite lyric:
It's all right, just wait and see

Your string of lights is still bright to me
Oh, who you are is not where you've been
You're still an innocent..

Are you like me waiting for her to use a noun? An innocent _______. what?!

12. Haunted- 5/5

The Dirt: None

My Opinion:  Love this track too! Great music- Starts out spooky- Haunted! I guess it's about a relationship being over but she wants it back and she constantly haunted by it ending. I like it! Come on Come on!

12. Last Kiss 4/5

The Dirt: I'm sure it's about someone I don't know who!

My Opinion: I like this song- thought it's 6 minutes long! A sad song about a relationship ending.

"So I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes
All that I know is that
I don't know how to be something you miss
Never thought we'd have a last kiss
Never imagined we'd end like this
Your name, forever the name on my lips"

13. Long Live- 4/5

The Dirt: None.

My Opinion:  I think it it's about winning something - Homecoming Queen and King? I'm not sure I like it okay though. I interpret it as getting ready to face everything that has happened in her album. Making memories in high school or college, graduating and starting the rest of their lives... I think it's up to interpretation.

That's the album! 

I bought mine at Target unknowing that it was the "exclusive" bonus track cd!

So real quick I like "Ours", "If this was a Movie". "Superman" is okay. And the others are acoustic versions of other songs on the album. "If this was a Movie" sounds like Back to December I think.

So buy Taylor Swift? Preview songs and buy some or buy none!

Thanks for reading- just a fun blog!



Dealing With Death: Not a How-to

When will I stop feeling how I feel now? It’s a question that many of us ask ourselves after the death of a loved one. There is no easy way to handle death besides shutting down and avoidance which takes a toll on our bodies physically and mentally. You may assume that this is about MaDee which yes many of my feelings of not feeling whole now are because of MaDee but I am smart enough to know that I am not the only one hurting and MaDee’s death is not the only death that has rocked my “community.” My community is multiple communities but more specifically now the Fort Defiance community.


You always try to get “away” from your high school because high school was so awful right? Fortunately, mine wasn’t because people like you. People like “you” – the dozens of alum that extended out to me; that’s love. I want to do the same. I know Tamara, MaDee’s mom has made an effort to heal through other parents of FDHS that have also lost their child. Fort Defiance has had some tremendous losses and I want everyone to know that you’re not alone. It’s easy to think that something must be wrong with you because of how you’re feeling. Time heals all but no one gave it a deadline. I read my Facebook friends statuses, listen to the songs and read post like these when they’re hurting and even though I may not saying anything I am sitting on the other end empathizing and hurting for you too. Because I know that no matter if the death was 40 years ago, 10 years ago, 3 years ago, 2 years ago, 1 year ago, 7 months ago, today it’s still fresh. Whether it’s the death of a friend, daughter, son, brother, sister, mother, father, cousin, aunt, uncle, grandparent, schoolmate, boyfriend, girlfriend, ex, coworker, teacher etc. it hurts. Whether it’s a car crash, cancer, suicide, fire, disease etc. it hurts. Don’t ever feel like your pain isn’t comparable to someone else’s. MaDee’s death is certainly fresh to me where as to you it may have made you cry for a day where as I don’t think a day has passed I haven’t cried since her death that’s because of the relationship I had.

Even though I never personally had the pleasure of knowing Miss Angela Kania- her anniversary death date and her sister-in-laws Facebook status is really what inspired me to post this. I felt it in my heart. She was in a serious car wreck a year ago Thursday and I know that many are dreading the week and the 14th to come. I hope that the week isn’t terrible because I’m sure that is what she would want; I pray that it won’t be.

I see nothing wrong with acting as it’s another day if that is how you deal, taking off work and crying all day, celebrating the loved ones life in a special way. For MaDee’s I am unsure how I’ll feel in February. How do you prepare for these things? I guess you don’t.

One thing I learned at my old job at Bethany Hall, Inc. as a residential counselor working with all sorts of women that have lost every loved one under the sun through miscarriage, still births, SIDS, wrecks, disease, suicide, drug overdose etc. that planning to be miserable on a holiday, birthday, anniversary date it does no good. What if it was a great day does it make you a bad person the therapist would ask? No it doesn’t. I remember in one case a client use to wear a necklace of the initial of her baby she lost everyday, she never took it off. The date was approaching and she was bummed all week and instead we celebrated with a dinner any child would love cake, chicken tenders, and tater tots. I loved that. I really did. It carried with me that when I found out MaDee died and I went back to sleep once my mom arrived I had a dream. I dreamt that the therapist, Jenny at Bethany Hall, Inc. had made a cake that had a bright sun that said My Day. My day to feel how I need to feel, I never told anyone that.

It really has me thinking. Though lately I’ve been trying to live this life in the present though it’s nearly impossible, it’s nearly impossible to not think that I didn’t get a birthday present from MaDee for my 23rd that the very last present I received from MaDee was for Christmas. I’ve survived Abby’s first baby shower and I can’t even describe how much pain I feel when I think of Abby, her having a baby without being able to share the joy with MaDee. I can’t even type about it. Then of course there’s MaDee’s birthday next week the 24th. I’ve heard of how some plan to celebrate it but I haven’t put that much thought into it. Perhaps a defense mechanism? Maybe. I love the idea of eating cake, letting go of balloons, maybe some permanent ink…ya never know! But that’s the point. There is no right or wrong of how you deal with a death because if it works for you, do it. As long as it’s not self pain inflicting but I think you get the point. Some of us put up statuses to feel support and not alone in this, some stay quite and only express their feeling to their loved ones, some write blogs like this, some post pictures, some block it out, some cry, some laugh, some pray, some use music to heal, some nature and some of us do all of the above. No one is right and no one is wrong unless of course it’s extreme. Some just need a close friend, some need a love of a pet, some need professional help, and some need to take off work and again some of us all of the above. I think what everyone needs is to not feel alone. I support you and I hope you support me. Sometimes no matter how close you are to someone if they didn’t experience the same relationship that you did with the person than they sometimes seem difficult to talk to. Fortunately again, I have many who have had a special relationship with MaDee that I can talk to. I might not do it enough and if you’re dealing with such pain you might not either.

The point of this was to reach out to anyone who’s hurting like me. The fact is I’m honest and I can honestly say that I know myself well enough to know that I’m still hurting and I try to mask it sometimes and you can’t. The worse thing you can do is ignore your feelings. I’ve always been a non confrontational person my whole life, I’ve allowed myself to stuff feelings and I feel in a way MaDee’s death (because she hated that about me) has made me less and less afraid of my feelings because feelings are valid. If they weren’t you wouldn’t feel that way.

I’ve made a lot of progress and it’s really been a learning experience. MaDee’s death is a defining moment in my life. Like any life defining moment we learn, we grow and we sometimes change. I know for sure that I will never forget the beautiful, fun, crazy, dramatic, loud, happy, sad moments that I had with MaDee. All I can do is hold onto the ones that I have that connect me to MaDee, hold onto the memories, some but not all of the material things that I hold dear, and to continue to spread a piece of her in everything I do and everyone I meet.

To the loved ones lost – gone but not forgotten. I hope everyone finds peace. If you haven’t noticed I changed up my info a bit about this journey. This journey through life… thanks for reading. I hope it helped somehow because it helped me by just writing. If you feel inspired to do so contact me.

Love,

Amanda

I Love You Present

What's an I love you present? An I love you present is just that a present, A present that is given for no reason at all but because you love that person. It's not a holiday, an anniversary, birthday, guilt gift or anything similar it's an I love you gift. "I thought of you when I saw this and I wanted to buy it for you." It's an I couldn't wait until Christmas I'm still getting you a Christmas gift- gift. It's usually unwrapped and the giver expects nothing in return because it's a selfless just because I LOVE YOU PRESENT!

Where did I first hear about this "I love you present"?
Abby and MaDee. On countless shopping adventures the other would pick up an I love you present. But with Abby and MaDee it was a little different-sometimes it was just flipping through a J. Crew catalog and saying "I want this mom or Jeff" "Okay I'll remember that for your birthday" "Eh, I was thinking more of a sooner than later gift like an I love you present." Priceless.

I love I love you presents. It reminds me of the care packages that my friend Terry (and former teacher!) would send me at college or like today when I came home to my mom who stopped by ULTA (the best beauty warehouse/store ever!) and bought me an eyeliner. I love you presents are the best to get because you know that person doesn't feel obligated to get you a gift they did because they love you. Who doesn't love an I love you present?!

Maybe I'm over doing it but I am that girl that is pumped about gifts. Of course I love getting gifts but I love watching people open gifts. I like to sit and watch people open presents whether it's a shower or not. When I house sat for Ashley and Steven during their honeymoon I was surrounded by gifts and could barely contain myself. As soon as they hit the door they had lost their luggage and arrived late. I was ecstatic when we still sat on the floor at 2am opening presents! Presents are my favorite!

I had to share my latest I love you present that I got for my sister. (well, mom paid but it's the thought that counts right?!) I think so many of you married women can relate! Check it out.

http://www.maryphillipsdesigns.com/Cat-65-1-73/gifts_for_sporty_gals.htm

How cute is this? My sisters husband is a sports fanatic and she is such a trooper. She sports her Georgia Bulldog Jersey, sits in on flag football games and tags along at UVA games. She'll admit it though, she kind of loves it. We got her fun koozie at a boutique in Summerville called Passing Fancy for an overpriced but how could you pass $8.95 but on the website that I took the photo from http://www.maryphillipsdesigns.com/Cat-65-1-73/gifts_for_sporty_gals.htm has other colors for $5.00 but with shipping and handling I suspect I'll be even. I wish I was married so I could carry this precious koozie to games or gathered around the TV all Saturday! So cute!







Stolen from Heather L's facebook.



Here's the happy couple tailgating! This was the day she actually received her I love you present- sadly UVA lost this day.

Yay for I love you presents! I hope you enjoyed and remember everyday is the perfect day for an I LOVE YOU PRESENT!

Thanks for reading-

Amanda

After my first couple of blogs I was surprised to see that people were actually reading it. The comments are always positive and I’m flattered. I started this blog as an outlet to share my feelings because I wanted to share what I’m feeling or doing with many of you that I’m not in touch with on a weekly or even monthly basis.


I have always loved writing. I have kept spiral notebooks of journals since high school that are full of poetry and letters. They date back to 2002- it’s full of love and heartbreak. (Sigh) I have always been quiet about many of my passions because I was worried what people would think but now that I am out of high school I know that none of it matters. “You do what you love and **** the rest” – Little Miss Sunshine-Probably one of the best and most inappropriate quotes ever.

I believe that writing is therapeutic just as much as exercise, meditation, yoga, a bubble bath, shopping… (Insert your therapeutic ritual here) etc. I picked up the pencil (or keyboard) more and more after MaDee’s diagnosis and passing. I shared this quote on a comment on Facebook but I still am in love with it. I was skimming through the Oprah magazine on Oprah’s 2010 Power list writer Sarah Ruhl said this: “Death is epistemologically impossible. When my father died, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the loss. Writing was a way to make sense of it. Art is a way of freezing time, or extending time- repealing an absence. It’s another way to bridge the gaps between us.” Love! Love! Love! This quote found me. So we all have the opportunity for a little therapeutic writing, healing or even soul searching, I am going to start posting from a “topic site.” I don’t know if that is the correct term but it’s another blog with writing assignments- that are meant to be thought provoking- http://www.readwriteheal.com/

I am still going to do fun posts because I think everyone prefers funny Amanda over emotional Amanda? But I would like to believe that reading can also be therapeutic and I think that several of you can relate to how I am feeling so in a way that too is therapeutic.

Thanks for reading and I for real this time am going to post the readwriteheal post next!

Amanda