The Opposite of Love

I don't read that much but I do love a good book. Who doesn't? My favorite part is skimming through the walls of books in the library and letting the book find me almost. I read books that are recommended or well-known authors but the best books are the ones I stumble upon. I stumbled upon this one. The word LOVE in bright red and in pale yellow above it The Opposite. I read the back of the book and cradled it under my arm.

What was even more appealing it was the author, Julie Buxbaum's first novel and there's something about a non-established author that I love. Maybe because every "writer" has a dream of being published one day, right?

The book did not fail me. You know the feeling of picking up a book and thinking it was written for you or about you? I felt it. It's like watching a movie that pin points the exact position you are in life. It makes the movie that much better.

The woman in this book isn't me exactly but her story I can bend and shape her experience into one like mine. The book is about loving, losing and loving again. It's about finding yourself and not pleasing others. It's about fighting for what you love.

I think we can all relate to Emily. She breaks off a perfect relationship because she is afraid of losing it, she doesn't go after things because she is afraid of failure, she can't give herself to anyone because she wouldn't know who that is she'd be giving. It reminds me of self sabotaging that we smart, pretty, 20 something girls do more often then we may realize. It reminds me of the it's not you it's me except you aren't lying. I think of things in life that I didn't pursue because I was afraid to fail, what others may think of me, and being afraid of the unknown.

The Opposite of Love. The opposite of love isn't hate it's indifference I read. Emily contemplated wouldn't you rather someone hate you then you not matter to them at all? I think of love lost and I think that one is hate, one is indifference and the others weren't real. And I...I believe I am indifferent too. I think it's a good place to be in life and like Emily I have broken so many things down that I feel I am actually getting closer to who I am.

The last 20 pages of the book were spent crying I couldn't even read it downstairs while Steven was watching football I had to save them for last night. As Emily sits at her mothers grave for the first time since her passing. She has avoided doing it because seeing the name engraved on stone might make it real, might make her really gone.

Two more days and it's almost been half a year. I'm still not ready to say good bye- are we ever really ready to say goodbye? I know others feel the same way...a pain when they wake up, a hole in their heart, a heavy feeling. MaDee's death may be holding me back but this book made me realize it. Am I using it as an excuse to not move on? To feel stuck? It's a defense mechanism. I have a billion of them who doesn't? Emily has a happy ending (spoil alert!) and I know that I will too. I'm 23 years old; I have a lot of living and growing up to do.

Let's make a promise to break down walls for our next relationship, to trust ourselves, to pursue our dreams, to fail and get back up, and to stop settling.

Read this book <3 The Opposite of Love
http://www.juliebuxbaum.com/buxbaum-book-love.htm


My life is easy and I am blessed. I have my health I realize. Mid-blog (let's pretend that's a word) I received a text. A text that says we need to pray for Fort Defiance High Schools beloved Coach Stuhlmiller, he had a heart attack yesterday at school. Pray for Coach Stu!