I'm only as good as my heart.

So long, August! Hello, September! Not that I documented August or anything! Ha! Summer is almost over and honestly I’m ready for fall. And so is my face! That’s right…my face. This past weekend I was out in the sun a little too long and even though I wear sunscreen these gigantic super frames I wear tend to still leave a mark. It’s been a signature look for me this summer, so it’s no surprise that my coworkers might see a slight resemblance between me and a raccoon. Even though I’ve been caking my make up on and buying darker foundation when 4 o’clock rolls around there’s no masking well, my mask. Take a look for yourself…

Wow! So August has been a pretty incredible month. It’s had its ups and downs but overall I think I’ve found some answers I’ve been searching for and some left unanswered. But in the meantime, I’ve came up with some pretty grand realizations about myself and this life. Want to hear them?

I need to trust my gut feeling because it’s always (usually) right.

I need to leave my heart open to others but also be smart enough to keep a realistic grip on it.

I think not having time for something or someone is an excuse. You don’t want to. Guess what? All we have is time.

Life is short. Party naked. – Just kidding did someone have this on a t-shirt from A&F in this lifetime? No, seriously life is short. Too short. Love the ones that love you, spend time with the ones that want to spend time with you. Don’t waste all this energy and hurt on people and things that don’t do the same for you. I think I read this on someone’s status: Don’t make someone a priority if all you are is in an option to them.

You will always regret what you didn’t do more than what you did do. (Trust your gut might conflict but do what’s best for you)

You are your own worst enemy and your own best friend. Tough battle. Be kind to yourself.

Look after yourself but don’t be so selfish that you are unaware of how your actions affect others.

And as my new and wise friend said to me this week, “Girl, you need to do what’s best for you because no one in this world is going to put you first in their life like you can your own.”

These all seem like general things. But how can we find a balance? How can we find that balance of doing what’s best for you and putting ourselves first but still come across as a caring, selfless individual? How? In my life, it seems to be one extreme to another. I sometimes feel as if the world owes me something but then I also act like I owe the world something. At the end of the day, it comes down to our intentions. I had a quote from Drew Barrymore in a book called “You Go Girl!” that was given to me in 1998 by my best friend, Megan that I still love. “In this world all we have to fall back on is our intentions.” Because at the end of the day isn’t that all that matters? Our intentions. What did we intend to happen by our actions? Did we intentionally hurt someone? Did we intentionally do something to lift ourselves up and put others down? Or did that hurt you but my intentions were to be honest? I believe too that were only as good as our heart. (Also, from the book – Tyra Banks I believe!) I’m only as good as my heart and my intentions, fair enough.

As I sit and chat with my new found bff…I wonder with amusement and anticipation where my life will take me? What should be my next career move? Should I move at all? Will I ever find that someone? We don’t have the answers but we have the time, we have the faith and most importantly we have each other.

You see I believe that God brings people into your life when you need them. And if we just allow ourselves to get close to someone we’d be surprised how much we still have to learn.

I’m learning.

I’m growing.

And at the end of the day I just want to be proud of who I am.

Life is a process – it’s day by day by day – I hate everything about that but why am I in such a hurry? I’ll I’ve got on this earth is time. (Not a long time but some time.)

So on that note, bring on the cool crisp weather, the three-quarter length tees, tall boots, light scarfs, football and all. I’m ready oh, I’m ready…I’m ready for fall! (Yeah, I wrote you a poem just now!)

And now I’m going to Kroger.

Love always,

Amanda

Craft'n Happiness!

Happy weekend! I think a couple of people were concerned over my last blog because they maybe didn’t know I felt that way. I feel homesick less times than I feel happy. If we had to percentage it out – you probably wouldn’t feel as concerned. At the time of the blog I was crawling out of a funk and having a few AHA moments.


This week I followed my own advice and did stuff! I met my grandparents for dinner, had lunch with coworkers (twice!), laid by the pool, went shopping, continued crafting, and after contemplating on going home this weekend…I decided to stay in town. Maybe I was trying to continue to “sit in” my feelings or maybe because I don’t want to spend the gas money. And guess what?! My momma is coming to visit me soon so life is good.

This week I finished the two items that I posted on my last blog for the auction. And I bought another frame to start because I’m feeling inspired. Two years ago, my frames went for $80/piece but they were much larger I can only hope my frames are as popular and sought after as two years ago. I hope! I’ll let you know and of course, I’ll post sneak previews of them on here today. If I keep the framing up I might start a ‘store’ on etsy. I keep thinking of other things I can do. I also would have to think of what I’d want to make my label/trademark. In the past it’s been ‘Made with Love by Amanda’ but I’m thinking since I do this for my own benefit of happiness I like the idea of something like ‘Craft’N Happiness’. We’ll see…

I never realized how great it feels to make time for the things you love (and of course the ones you love) but it does! I’ve been coming home from work, going to the pool, and then sprawling out on the floor while I watch some (trashy) show on television and craft. (And of course, spending time with my pup, Tex) It’s been good.

While working on the frame I came across a couple of ideas to blog about from magazines so I’m pretty excited about that. Some more fun Amanda and less ramotional me.

So let’s look at some pictures from my week shall we?!

Remember this was the start of my project earlier this week?

This is the final result! FRIENDS - a perfect frame for a dorm, apt., house, office etc! to display you and your beautiful friends. Love? Plan on bidding on it at the auction :)

Remember my not your ordinary but extraordinary jewelry display?! I've put together one for the auction though you must note it might not be as attractive as mine because it's not filled with jewelry yet.

This could be yours at the auction! Vintage berry box and bowl - hand made touches on the mason jar and peg board. Hand made peacock clip and vintage-y necklace and bracelet coming soon! Love? Be at the auction :)

 Note: I love peonies. They're beautiful.

Okay...so I really wanted a cute profile picture - so I tried to make Tex take a photo shoot with me this was one of the results...fail. But still pretty cute.

And for putting up with me I got Tex a new toy/bone - at first I thought I would have to add it to the other toys he doesn't like and/or is afraid of it but as I type he's biting the tasty middle so maybe he likes it!

And of course while I was out I had to pick up something for myself :) I'm not sure if they're still in style but I like them- work appropriate/and going out worthy=win! I went to TJ Maxx..that's dangerous. Don't mind the fancy picture..I was only hanging out in a pair of cut off sweats..so glamorous.

So there you have it! A happy little week for me! I can't wait to start doing some more bloggin' and craftin'!

I'll leave you with a quote that hit me in the face!

"We all have a hungry heart, and one of the things we hunger for is happiness."

Love you and here's to another great week ahead...

 

Amanda



Homesick - What's the solution?

So I’m back…and yes I was gone again for a bit. To anyone’s surprise? Probably not. My computer crashed the same week as my May post. (Pretty good excuse right?)  But now I’m armed with a new computer and hopefully can produce some more blogs!


I know in January I said I was going to stay positive – well they say actions speak louder than words because I’ve been a little down and out lately. I’m maybe a tad homesick. I could list all the reasons why I think I feel this way but I think it really set in after returning from the beach with my family.

The beach was so much fun! It was a much needed vacation.

Home is where the heart is. My heart was not at my apartment when I returned. It was with my family...



I moved back to (I'm not sure if I've mentioned in the past where my new home is but i'll just say 'new home' to be safe.) my new home and then when I moved into my first big girl apartment alone then it sank in. The homesickness sank in for the first 2 weeks. I came home from work for those weeks and would sit on my couch and cry. I didn't know why at the time because afterall I had everything I wanted. I was on my own, employed full-time and no longer in S.C.

After awhile, once I got adjusted things got better. I just had to sit in it for a bit. At my old place of employment the counselor use to tell the girls that they had to sit in it. If something went wrong, they did something wrong, or they wanted to address the situation immediately - the counselor would refuse because how are you going to learn from it if you refuse to sit in it. Sit it in even if it's uncomfortable. I couldn't last a week as a client there. If you're like me I don't sit. In fact, I tend to walk away. No, I run. For example, when MaDee died I walked away from a lot of things in this new town. (I lived in my 'new home' returned to my parents home and now I came back.) I didn't think how it would affect anyone else or how I could get through itnstead I just lived like a hermit until graduation and packed up to live with my parents. I ran. I'm not sure how different my life would be right now if I was to stay but I think at the time I did what I know. I can't sit in it- I want to change it. I had to learn the hard way. We'll get back to it. While moving back to S.C. I half heartedly applied for jobs and then a few months later (6) I was ready to join the real world again.

I prayed and figured if it was meant for me to go back to this 'new home' then it would happen. Ironicly, with in a few days I had a job in S.C. but then was offered a job here. I had to make my own decision then - I came back here and now I'm wondering if I made the wrong decision.

I've always been a somewhat guarded individual because it seems to be easier but truth is (I'm getting back to the "I'll get back to it" part...) running away only makes things linger. Where as sitting in it marinates. (yes, like a steak!) It gets better - it sinks it. The issue, the problem, the sadness might seem unbearable but by sitting in it you're embedding this in you - you're learning, you're growing and in the end you'll probably come out on top. I think that's better than hiding but hiding is easier but you can certaintly run but you can't hide. (Do you like how I go from you to I - I'm like talking about myself and then preaching it?! ... oh well - it's passion baby!)

So back to my homesickness. I look at it like this...I'm homesick again and what am I going to do about it? Is there a solution for being homesick? Maybe.

This weekend I had a great time with some great people. And I learned that my fellow twenty-some year old friends were or have experienced being homesick after college. (A.C. - After College)

Strength in numbers? maybe. Misery loves company? maybe. Either way I felt better. As I listened I thought of the way we cope with this feeling- it's a lot like dealing with a break up or maybe even a little similiar to a death - I guess a loss in general. You're alone. Or at least feel alone for the first time in a long time. I've experienced them all and I think some of the feelings are the same. Like all losses you must get through it but how? You gotta find things that get you through. I know I said to sit in it - that's sitting in your feelings and not running away but you can sit in your homesickness, loneliness...whatever but still finding ways to get back your happiness.

Find your happiness. Because unlike being homesick at sports camp, church camp, or vacation - growing up isn't temporary. This isn't going to end on Saturday and my dad isn't going to come pick my up because I'm ready to go home. (I mean, he probably would.) Anyways, this isn't a temporary thing it's life.

I've said it before and I'll say it again! I think being in your twenties can be so much fun, carefree and relaxing. But if it's the time to really figure out who you are - that can be stressful. Especially if you get out of college and you still have no clue what you want to do and where you want to be. If you're not definite in that it's hard to be sure you're making the right decisions. Twenties are transitional. If you're like me you did the predictable - you went to college and graduated, snagged an entry-level position and are surviving in a new-ish place. And now as cheesy as it sounds it's time to write our life...it's scary...and when things get hard...running is in option but so is dealing with it. They're are new goals to be set, dreams to be achieved - and in your head you hope to achieve them before you're 30. What measures success?

What measures success? What am I talking about? You know that timeline. That timeline that some how came about in the dark ages. But I think it's been updated a bit to add more pressure to our lives.
Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about - maybe it's in my head but here's how it goes: Marriage, home ownership, masters degree, making 'x' amount of  money, a new car etc... What on here do I want, what on here do I need, what on here can I live without? I can live without all of them, I want all of them, I need none of them - maybe a car (that baby is racking up the milage!) I'm just saying...reject everything you think is on this timeline and live your life. What do you want? Live your life - a life you can be proud in - and a life that you LOVE. Who says these things won't happen when you're 31? ;) Why set yourself up for someone elses ideas, traditions, expectations...I know I'm on a bit of a tangent but this relates back to homesickness and feeling uncomfortable. It's easy to say you don't want any of these things because you must know by now my fear of failing. It's on the top of my list of downfalls. And another reason I run - or don't do things because you can't fail if you don't attempt it.

Again, a bit of a tangent but when it comes to being sad, homesick, depressed - emotion, feeling, whatever...What are you doing about it? Are you sitting in it or are you like me and running from it? Sometimes I'm one check away from writing a check to end my lease and running away.

What do I need to do? What can we do? Find your happy. It's not who can make me happy - it's what can make me happy - what do I love?

Get back to you because damn if my mom wasn't right "You make you're own happiness, Amanda"

From listening to myself and friends I've came up with some suggestions on dealing with the uncomfortable moments like homesickness. Get out of your rut and bond with yourself. Nourish the relationship with yourself.

Homesickness: What's the solution? Find yours.

I found it hard to come home from work and just watch the clock go by until it's time to go to bed so I would suggest giving yourself something to look foward to...

Get back to your hobbies - do you sew? scrapbook? framework? build things? paint? write? blog!?

Join a group - club sports (they exist for adults!) - Parks and Rec. groups - Adult choirs - etc.

Exercise- attend group classes or attend the gym! Zumba is amazing!

Accept invites to hang out whether it's with coworkers, a neighbor, an old friend, someone you know from your hs that might be in the same town, etc.

Cook - find new recipes

Shop - I found it fun to buy a couple of groceries at a time so I could go grocery shopping after work. It's a time filler and gets you out of the house.

Lay poolside - Go outside. Mom said (it could be factual?) Everyone needs 30 minutes of sunshine. Nature is nourishing.

Have a pet? Walk outside everyday - set goals like three laps around the apartment - it will take up some time and excerise for both!

If you don't have a pet and you would like one, can afford one and can have one
 in your home - I would consider getting one! My dog has put so much joy in my life.

Do things that enrich your life. Read a book, learn something new, Volunteer

If there's extended family in your new town make an effort to see them or make an effort to make them see you!

If you live close (less than an hour) from your immediate family designate a day of the week or month to go see your family. I wouldn't see them everyday...but if I could I might :)

Same as above with friends.

Don't pretend that everything is fine or that you have to reflect that you're living some fabulous new grown up life. Be honest especially to your family and friends. They probably have some great advice and might even come visit!

Don't stay online all the time - especially on Facebook - it can be draining.

Same for TV -  However...I look forward to some shows and I like to DVR things for lazy days/afternoons. So I can't really say no t.v. because I LOVE TV but get out every now and then or you'll drive yourself insane when you've seen all the reruns!


Getting back to the things I love...

How could you not love this pup?!

I put this together - the frame/necklace peg board! Hobbies fill your heart too!

Love this set up? I'm making one for the Music for MaDee silent auction!

This is how I love my living room! Frame making and crafts.

Now that- that's over...I feel better. I can't complain too much. I like my job, I've achieved a lot of my goals and I have a lot more set, I have a great family and I'm slowly but surely reconnecting with a lot of my good friends, working on making new relationships, accepting invites, getting back to my hobbies- hopefully blogging, caring for Tex, etc. I'm learning to sit in the uncomfortable and learning to trust that things are how they are suppose to be. Maybe the reason I came back to this 'new place' was for something I don't know yet. I'm not giving into my homesickness as of now - I'm working on finding my happy and living the life I love. I have to trust that things will work out ... how they're meant to be. I kind of hate the saying "if it's meant to be it will happen" but really what other choice is there? (though you know my feelings on fate.)

I have a choice - and I choose to sit in it.

Thanks for reading! There's hope for the homesick :) This might be a great journey to blog. Though I'm watching the Bachelorette (TV!) and I can't wait to show you my favorite things in the apartment because even though I'm homesick I do love my home I've made for myself.

Love,

Amanda

It's me again!

Let’s play a game. Who can spot the lie in my last blog? I’ll give you a hint…it’s the second sentence. “I refuse to go through one month without blogging, I can't.” Really? That’s interesting because it seems likes not only can I go one month I can go four! I started the New Year with a pretty good blog that made it seem like 2011 was the year for all things positive and great! And then months go by and nothing…

I know my 14 followers are probably two seconds from unfollowing me but don’t! I’m back! I’m not going to promise for how long or how consistent but I’m back.

I wish I could say I have great and exciting news to share and pictures to post from the last four months but truthfully I’ve been not that busy…I’ve been normal. Normal to boring. Since January 18^th I’ve been working, coming home, watching television, going to bed and doing it all over again. (Give or take a few fun weekends.) So let’s catch up shall we?

I’ve had to change my ‘about me’ because I’m no longer 23 – in my blogging hiatus I’ve had a birthday. I’m 24. It’s fairly new to me … eight days but I do know it feels like 23. I had a fabulous ‘blog worthy’ birthday that I will blog about soon. (…Or later let’s take what I say with a *grain of salt. Did anyone else think it was great assault – ever?)

 Let’s see…

My brother got married! I helped put together a pretty great rehearsal dinner that I’ll post about soon*

My best friend Megan got engaged! (Yes! I’m a bridesmaid…well Maid of Honor J )  

My mom had a birthday! Happy Birthday Fancy Nancy!

I moved into my new apartment! Purchased a couch and decorating my tiny space into an Amanda haven. (I’ll post pictures!*)

MaDee’s one year came. 2.16.2010 – I managed to go to work and break down once. I should’ve blogged!

My brother-in-law celebrated a birthday too!

My parents celebrated 30 years together April 25^th! Happy Anniversary!

I bought a new camera so I can spice this blog up!

Relay for Life

My birthday!

Tex got stitches twice L

Some wedding stuff

Started Zumba again!

Work, shopping, traveling to South Carolina… (The usual)

That’s all I can think of to highlight at the moment. I probably forgot something that’s a milestone. (Hopefully not!)

I’m excited to get back to blogging. I’ll try to be more consistent and entertaining from here on out.

I hope everyone has had a great four months! I’m looking forward to Memorial Day weekend so I can go home to SC and relax some more J

Have a great Sunday! I can’t wait for the season finale of The Apprentice tonight! (and those Bravo shows!)

Love,

Amanda

Love yourself in 2011.

Happy New Year! I refuse to go through one month without blogging, I can't. I haven't put my blog at the top of my priority list and hey it's okay! I am finally right where I think I need to be. It's a new year and I'm glad because honestly I was over 2010. Good riddance dear 2010...it was a bittersweet year and after it's all said and done I feel in a better place in 2011.

As mentioned before I got a job! I hadn't been there but a little over week and I received Christmas presents. Presents!! That's what kind of people I work with- I really do love it. That's when I came across this New Year's card in CVS while picking up thank you cards for my generous co-workers/supers.

2011

...

The new year 

unfolds

like pages

 in a book

yet to be written, 

bringing hope 

and endless 

possibilities 

                                               -Holley Gerth

 

Love. I bought the card! I had no intentions on giving it to anyone. I was just afraid that I wouldn't remember to look it up but I love it. This quote is so upbeat and full of optimism which is the total opposite of my 2010. I've never made a new years resolution before because I set goals all the time but 18 days late here is my resolution. 

Be more positive. 

I am so positive (usually) at work and with other people but I tend to self loathe and self doubt a lot. It's without a doubt unhealthy and I realized it today. I had an "aha moment" if you will. My dad said this to me as I expressed my joy to him. "Amanda,there's no question that you have a grip on reality but sometimes you may be too realistic and not positive enough." I tend to be too logical. Today I received a call that I was approved for an apartment. My first big girl apartment. For weeks this is what I would say to myself and (at times) also very hateful to my mom. (I love you mom!) 

Me: My credit sucks. I have medical bills and student loans. 

        I won't be able to afford it.

        I'll have to have a co-signer, I can't do it alone. 

So I was wrong. Like I was two months ago after an interview with the job I have.

Me: I was too nervous.

        My answers were stupid.

        They'll hire someone older with more experience.

        My college degree is pointless. 

        

WHINE. WHINE. NEGATIVE. NEGATIVE. BITCH. BITCH. BITCH. Where does this come from? Why am I like this towards myself and how can I stop? I present myself with a lot of confidence so when will I start believing in myself? Today. I can do this. 

My new years resolution. 

Stop the negativity, Start the positivity.

-Don't second guess yourself so much

- Have faith in yourself and God

- Don't feel guilty for whatever reason of successes, you deserve what you work hard for

- Break down walls within yourself

- Be open minded 

- Ask why not? OR why can't I? 

Some of these feelings I've had for a long time, many from failed relationships and a lot from MaDee's death. There's no doubt that somewhere down the road I felt unworthy. Stop the negativity. This whole "hope for the best expect (or prepare for) the worst" mentality isn't working. Why go through life preparing yourself for the worst? I mean it's great to be logical but I want to have enough faith and confidence in myself to expect the best and be able to dust myself off when it's not. 

2011 is filled with endless possibilities. 

Love yourself in 2011. 

With love,

Amanda