So I’m back…and yes I was gone again for a bit. To anyone’s surprise? Probably not. My computer crashed the same week as my May post. (Pretty good excuse right?) But now I’m armed with a new computer and hopefully can produce some more blogs!
I know in January I said I was going to stay positive – well they say actions speak louder than words because I’ve been a little down and out lately. I’m maybe a tad homesick. I could list all the reasons why I think I feel this way but I think it really set in after returning from the beach with my family.
The beach was so much fun! It was a much needed vacation.
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Home is where the heart is. My heart was not at my apartment when I returned. It was with my family...
I moved back to (I'm not sure if I've mentioned in the past where my new home is but i'll just say 'new home' to be safe.) my new home and then when I moved into my first big girl apartment alone then it sank in. The homesickness sank in for the first 2 weeks. I came home from work for those weeks and would sit on my couch and cry. I didn't know why at the time because afterall I had everything I wanted. I was on my own, employed full-time and no longer in S.C.
After awhile, once I got adjusted things got better. I just had to sit in it for a bit. At my old place of employment the counselor use to tell the girls that they had to sit in it. If something went wrong, they did something wrong, or they wanted to address the situation immediately - the counselor would refuse because how are you going to learn from it if you refuse to sit in it. Sit it in even if it's uncomfortable. I couldn't last a week as a client there. If you're like me I don't sit. In fact, I tend to walk away. No, I run. For example, when MaDee died I walked away from a lot of things in this new town. (I lived in my 'new home' returned to my parents home and now I came back.) I didn't think how it would affect anyone else or how I could get through itnstead I just lived like a hermit until graduation and packed up to live with my parents. I ran. I'm not sure how different my life would be right now if I was to stay but I think at the time I did what I know. I can't sit in it- I want to change it. I had to learn the hard way. We'll get back to it. While moving back to S.C. I half heartedly applied for jobs and then a few months later (6) I was ready to join the real world again.
I prayed and figured if it was meant for me to go back to this 'new home' then it would happen. Ironicly, with in a few days I had a job in S.C. but then was offered a job here. I had to make my own decision then - I came back here and now I'm wondering if I made the wrong decision.
I've always been a somewhat guarded individual because it seems to be easier but truth is (I'm getting back to the "I'll get back to it" part...) running away only makes things linger. Where as sitting in it marinates. (yes, like a steak!) It gets better - it sinks it. The issue, the problem, the sadness might seem unbearable but by sitting in it you're embedding this in you - you're learning, you're growing and in the end you'll probably come out on top. I think that's better than hiding but hiding is easier but you can certaintly run but you can't hide. (Do you like how I go from you to I - I'm like talking about myself and then preaching it?! ... oh well - it's passion baby!)
So back to my homesickness. I look at it like this...I'm homesick again and what am I going to do about it? Is there a solution for being homesick? Maybe.
This weekend I had a great time with some great people. And I learned that my fellow twenty-some year old friends were or have experienced being homesick after college. (A.C. - After College)
Strength in numbers? maybe. Misery loves company? maybe. Either way I felt better. As I listened I thought of the way we cope with this feeling- it's a lot like dealing with a break up or maybe even a little similiar to a death - I guess a loss in general. You're alone. Or at least feel alone for the first time in a long time. I've experienced them all and I think some of the feelings are the same. Like all losses you must get through it but how? You gotta find things that get you through. I know I said to sit in it - that's sitting in your feelings and not running away but you can sit in your homesickness, loneliness...whatever but still finding ways to get back your happiness.
Find your happiness. Because unlike being homesick at sports camp, church camp, or vacation - growing up isn't temporary. This isn't going to end on Saturday and my dad isn't going to come pick my up because I'm ready to go home. (I mean, he probably would.) Anyways, this isn't a temporary thing it's life.
I've said it before and I'll say it again! I think being in your twenties can be so much fun, carefree and relaxing. But if it's the time to really figure out who you are - that can be stressful. Especially if you get out of college and you still have no clue what you want to do and where you want to be. If you're not definite in that it's hard to be sure you're making the right decisions. Twenties are transitional. If you're like me you did the predictable - you went to college and graduated, snagged an entry-level position and are surviving in a new-ish place. And now as cheesy as it sounds it's time to write our life...it's scary...and when things get hard...running is in option but so is dealing with it. They're are new goals to be set, dreams to be achieved - and in your head you hope to achieve them before you're 30. What measures success?
What measures success? What am I talking about? You know that timeline. That timeline that some how came about in the dark ages. But I think it's been updated a bit to add more pressure to our lives.
Maybe you don't know what I'm talking about - maybe it's in my head but here's how it goes: Marriage, home ownership, masters degree, making 'x' amount of money, a new car etc... What on here do I want, what on here do I need, what on here can I live without? I can live without all of them, I want all of them, I need none of them - maybe a car (that baby is racking up the milage!) I'm just saying...reject everything you think is on this timeline and live your life. What do you want? Live your life - a life you can be proud in - and a life that you LOVE. Who says these things won't happen when you're 31? ;) Why set yourself up for someone elses ideas, traditions, expectations...I know I'm on a bit of a tangent but this relates back to homesickness and feeling uncomfortable. It's easy to say you don't want any of these things because you must know by now my fear of failing. It's on the top of my list of downfalls. And another reason I run - or don't do things because you can't fail if you don't attempt it.
Again, a bit of a tangent but when it comes to being sad, homesick, depressed - emotion, feeling, whatever...What are you doing about it? Are you sitting in it or are you like me and running from it? Sometimes I'm one check away from writing a check to end my lease and running away.
What do I need to do? What can we do? Find your happy. It's not who can make me happy - it's what can make me happy - what do I love?
Get back to you because damn if my mom wasn't right "You make you're own happiness, Amanda"
From listening to myself and friends I've came up with some suggestions on dealing with the uncomfortable moments like homesickness. Get out of your rut and bond with yourself. Nourish the relationship with yourself.
Homesickness: What's the solution? Find yours.
I found it hard to come home from work and just watch the clock go by until it's time to go to bed so I would suggest giving yourself something to look foward to...
Get back to your hobbies - do you sew? scrapbook? framework? build things? paint? write? blog!?
Join a group - club sports (they exist for adults!) - Parks and Rec. groups - Adult choirs - etc.
Exercise- attend group classes or attend the gym! Zumba is amazing!
Accept invites to hang out whether it's with coworkers, a neighbor, an old friend, someone you know from your hs that might be in the same town, etc.
Cook - find new recipes
Shop - I found it fun to buy a couple of groceries at a time so I could go grocery shopping after work. It's a time filler and gets you out of the house.
Lay poolside - Go outside. Mom said (it could be factual?) Everyone needs 30 minutes of sunshine. Nature is nourishing.
Have a pet? Walk outside everyday - set goals like three laps around the apartment - it will take up some time and excerise for both!
If you don't have a pet and you would like one, can afford one and can have one
in your home - I would consider getting one! My dog has put so much joy in my life.
Do things that enrich your life. Read a book, learn something new, Volunteer
If there's extended family in your new town make an effort to see them or make an effort to make them see you!
If you live close (less than an hour) from your immediate family designate a day of the week or month to go see your family. I wouldn't see them everyday...but if I could I might :)
Same as above with friends.
Don't pretend that everything is fine or that you have to reflect that you're living some fabulous new grown up life. Be honest especially to your family and friends. They probably have some great advice and might even come visit!
Don't stay online all the time - especially on Facebook - it can be draining.
Same for TV - However...I look forward to some shows and I like to DVR things for lazy days/afternoons. So I can't really say no t.v. because I LOVE TV but get out every now and then or you'll drive yourself insane when you've seen all the reruns!
Getting back to the things I love...
How could you not love this pup?!
I put this together - the frame/necklace peg board! Hobbies fill your heart too!
Love this set up? I'm making one for the Music for MaDee silent auction!
This is how I love my living room! Frame making and crafts.
Now that- that's over...I feel better. I can't complain too much. I like my job, I've achieved a lot of my goals and I have a lot more set, I have a great family and I'm slowly but surely reconnecting with a lot of my good friends, working on making new relationships, accepting invites, getting back to my hobbies- hopefully blogging, caring for Tex, etc. I'm learning to sit in the uncomfortable and learning to trust that things are how they are suppose to be. Maybe the reason I came back to this 'new place' was for something I don't know yet. I'm not giving into my homesickness as of now - I'm working on finding my happy and living the life I love. I have to trust that things will work out ... how they're meant to be. I kind of hate the saying "if it's meant to be it will happen" but really what other choice is there? (though you know my feelings on fate.)
I have a choice - and I choose to sit in it.
Thanks for reading! There's hope for the homesick :) This might be a great journey to blog. Though I'm watching the Bachelorette (TV!) and I can't wait to show you my favorite things in the apartment because even though I'm homesick I do love my home I've made for myself.
Love,
Amanda
